After our monthly holiday binge, it’s time to get back to normal. Well, “Normal” is relative with us, but you get the gist. We’ve got a very cool mix of winners and losers for you this week, With one big high, one big low, and some decent films in the middle.
We’ll start out with “Werewolves,” a fun film with a crazy premise that really goes off the logic rails. We’ll find out that “It’s What’s Inside” was an overlooked gem from last year. We’ll do an indie release next, with the ridiculous “The Yorkie Werewolf” and then a low-budget-ish comedic creature feature, “Invisible Raptor.” Then we’ll finish up with the talky sex-drama “Swap,” which pretends to be a vampire movie in the last ten minutes.
And, of course, we have more excellent short films for you!
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Mainstream Films:
2024 Werewolves
· Directed by Steven C. Miller
· Written by Matthew Kennedy
· Stars Frank Grillo, Katrina Law, Ilfenesh Hadera
· Run Time: 1 Hour, 33 Minutes
· Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
You’d think after a year they’d be more prepared. That’s just one of the many points of this movie that lack logic and don’t make sense. It has an interesting concept, some decent action and effects. You just can’t think deeply about this one at all.
Spoilery Synopsis
One year ago, a supermoon event triggered something. Over a billion people were transformed into werewolves. Dr. Aranda does an interview on TV, and he says that they are working toward a solution, and everyone just needs to be prepared. The supermoon returns tonight. Credits roll.
We watch as Wesley drags chains, builds a cage, lays out bear traps, electrifies the fence, and otherwise prepares the house for the full moon. He’s very prepared to protect his dead brother’s family. Inside, Lucy and Emma worry. Neighbor Reagan comes inside, and Lucy gives her some emergency supplies. Outside, neighbor Cody shoots his machine gun carelessly; he’s a little unhinged. “Hell’s coming our way!”
Wesley has everything prepared, but he can’t stay to protect the family because he has to go out and help stop trouble. He doesn’t want to leave, but Lucy tells him that’s what his brother Sean would want.
Wesley drives through town, and there are a lot of whackos out there even before it gets dark. Dr. Aranda gives another press conference about what they hope to learn tonight; Wesley is the lead biologist. He warns, “Please. Stay out of the moonlight.” We cut to Cody, who’s lost his mind with PTSD. He’s gonna be trouble.
Inside the lab, Dr. Amy Chen locks up her boyfriend Myles, who turned into a werewolf last time, into a cage. Wesley and other scientists put on airtight suits to examine the volunteers in the cages. They’re testing “Moonscreen” that they hope will prevent the change. The volunteers are a weird bunch, some look just plain crazy. The moon doors open and– nothing happens. The Moonscreen works! Everyone gets to work analyzing blood samples.
Meanwhile, outside, wolves howl. Lucy and Emma sit in the house, terrified. At Reagan’s house, her own mother turns and kills her.
Back at the lab, it’s been one hour since exposure, and the subjects start to turn anyway. Things go very haywire very quickly, and Amy calls for the scientist to evacuate. Dr. Aranda’s suit rips, and he’s exposed to the moonlight; he turns. Soon, all the test subjects are out of the cages and killing people. All the light bulbs start exploding for some reason.
Wesley, Amy, and a wounded Evan lock themselves in one of the labs with a werewolf right outside the door. Evan soon dies from blood loss. Wesley and Amy make a plan to get away from the lab. They put on Moonscreen, which ought to be good for an hour outside.
Back at home, gung-ho soldier Cody doesn’t last five minutes before getting exposed and turning into a werewolf himself, bulletproof vest and all.
Wesley and Amy get past wolf-Myles and drive away. Wesley calls Lucy, who is panicking at home. Lucy hears Reagan outside, screaming for help, but he tells her not to open the gate. Lucy wants to go outside and save her, but she’s killed before that becomes an option. Wesley then crashes into a bus (why is there bus service during the werewolf apocalypse?)
Werewolf-Cody uses dead-Reagan’s body to short out the electric fence; he’s not just a stupid animal. Soon, he also disables all the security cameras outside.
Wesley and Amy get out of the crash and work their way through town, but there are werewolves everywhere. They hide under a car as a pack passes and make their way into a mall, where people are banging on the security doors behind every store. No, the people inside are gas-mask-wearing cultists or something. One of them turns into a werewolf, and there’s another fight until Wesley stabs it good as all the lights strobe on and off for no real reason. They run to a nearby store, with nothing but a tarp to protect them.
At Lucy’s house, the werewolves have surrounded the place, so all the lights inside flash on and off randomly. She knows Cody wants in, and he soon finds a way past the fence and past the bear traps.
Wesley and Amy come upon a bunch of soldiers just blasting away with truck mounted machine guns (without apparently hitting anything). That goes badly, and Amy gets dragged away by wolves.
Lucy shoots at something inside the house and notices that she only has four shells left. She shoots through the ceiling, letting the moonlight in. Soon, she’s down to a knife and a fire extinguisher for a weapon. The wolves break in.
Wesley drives back to Lucy’s house and runs over a few wolves on the way. He arrives home, in the rain, and his Moonblock doesn’t wash off. He’s surprised to hear Lucy’s out of shotgun shells, but Cody’s still out there. Wesley looks at the hole in the roof and comes up with a plan. He says goodbye to Emma.
It’s only fifteen minutes until sunrise, so rather than just delay, Wesley goes outside to fight Cody. Wesley sees the moon and changes.
Now it’s wolf against wolf, and very quickly, Wesley pulls Cody’s head right off. So now it’s Wesley who menaces Lucy and Emma instead of Cody. Lucy picks up one last shotgun shell as Wesley breaks in. She shoots out the boards covering the window and lets the bright morning sunlight.
Wesley stands up, human again, and somehow still wearing tight pants.
Brian’s Commentary
So much dumb here. It’s a really neat concept with a storyline that just makes no sense at all.
It seems like a lot of the preparation would be kind of useless if you had no idea who would change into a werewolf; you could end up locked inside the house with one. Is it only for people outside in the moonlight? That’s the way it’s presented here, but that would seem fairly easy to avoid. How hard is it to stay inside and cover your windows?
When trapped inside, why didn’t the final three characters just step into the moonlight and just turn. It was only fifteen minutes until sunrise.
They had a year to prepare. A year. And it’s not like what happened a year ago would have “deniers,” since it would have been obvious to everyone.
Who was driving that bus that Wesley crashed into? Why do light bulbs randomly explode? Who designed that Rube-Goldberg exploding research lab? Why are there crashed cars all over the road? People knew this was coming long in advance. So many logic questions!
There’s a lot here that’s hard to believe, none more than Frank Grillo playing an expert biologist.
The werewolves are a mix. Some are CGI while others are rubbery puppets and suits. Still, there are a lot of them, and we see a lot of them. The film doesn’t shy away from that at least. The only transformation we get a good look at is Wesley at the end, and it doesn’t disappoint.
It’s a fun action movie with a neat concept, but absolutely, positively turn your brain off before starting this one.
Kevin’s Commentary
The first time that the moon unexpectedly made everyone on Earth exposed to moonlight turn into a killer werewolf would have been an apocalypse that it’s hard to imagine humanity recovering from. But a year later, everything seems fine and dandy and normal. And this time they know it’s coming, and everyone should be on board with preparing for this time so it’s not a problem. It managed to be moderately entertaining, but it’s hard to look past so many dumb plot points and things that don’t make sense.
2024 It’s What’s Inside
· Directed by Greg Jardin
· Written by Greg Jardin
· Stars Brittany O’Grady, James Morosini, Gavin Leatherwood
· Run Time: 1 Hour, 43 Minutes
· Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
What starts out as a harmless seeming party game gets wildly out of hand. We went into it blind, and we were delighted. The script is great and the actors keep up with it. It’s one that we might have to see again.
Spoilery Synopsis
Shelby does an influencer post about “trying something new. Don’t be afraid to spice things up.” Her boyfriend Cyrus watches porn in the next room. She goes in for sex, but that doesn’t work out. They argue over how badly he does or doesn’t want sex. This escalates into a flow-blown argument over going to the wedding tomorrow. Credits roll.
All the friends make posts about attending Reuben and Sophia’s big wedding. It’s all very cringy. There’s a lot of social media posting going on. We see many of the movie’s characters interacting on socials. Shelby and Cyrus are still arguing about him watching porn even after the long drive.
All the friends are very excited, friendly, and enthusiastic—in a superficial way. All the friends think Shelby and Cyrus got married, but they didn’t.
They all talk about Forbes, the guys who liked to play games, and how weird he was. We get a flashback about fighting, drinking, and getting expelled. There’s a whole backstory there. He moved to California and got a job with some big tech company. It’s been eight years, and no one wants to see Forbes again, but he was invited to the wedding.
As Reuben makes his toast, Forbes comes to the door, much to everyone’s shock. They used to call him “Game Boy” since he was always playing something. He says he’s been travelling the world and making money all these years. Oh– he’s brought a game that his team has been working on for five years.
He opens his suitcase and takes out a machine full of switches, plugs, and electrodes. Everyone puts on an electrode. We watch all eight friends hook up as he turns it on. Everyone goes wild for twenty seconds and then gets upset at what happened. He explains that “brains are like hard drives, and this just transfers files.” It’s a mind-transfer device, and it’s technically top-secret. The game is to randomly swap bodies and then try to guess who’s who for real.
Shelby is uptight and upset about the game, but everyone else wants to try it again. “You’re alway talking about new experiences. This is something we can do together,” argues Cyrus.
Round One
Everyone plugs in and switches. It’s a bit less dramatic this time. Shelby is in Brooke’s body, and she’s suddenly high, like Brooke was. Reuben is inside Cyrus. Maya is in Nikki. Crus is in Dennis. Forbes is in Reuben. Some of the couples pair off and make out, whoever they are. It’s all very trippy and weird, but it’s also kinda fun. After a while, they decide it’s time to switch back and they’re all screaming for a “Round 2.”
Dennis apologizes to Forbes for getting him expelled back in the day, along with some of the others.
Forbes explains that there can only be one more round, because then the machine will have to recharge for 24 hours. Cyrus and Dennis argue; Cyrus doesn’t want to play anymore because in the previous round, Forbes lied about being him.
Round Two
This time, each one pretends to be the one they’re inhabiting to try to fool the others and make it harder to guess. They all talk about not guessing and just going with it; Someone says, “You could kill him, and no one would know who you are.”
“Nikki” and “Forbes” pair off. “Maya” and “Dennis” pair off. “Cyrus” and “Shelby” hook up. Lots of sex between– sorta-strangers. An accident happens, and Dennis’s and Maya’s bodies are killed. Oh my. Inside the bodies were Brooke and Reuben, but Brooke and Reuben’s minds are in someone else now.
Forbes says that there’s a top-secret machine inside the house, and he’s not calling the cops. Some of the group don’t want to switch back. “This is our rebirth!” Everyone argues.
Dennis is inside Cyrus, and he doesn’t want to switch into a dead body, and he doesn’t want to go into Reuben’s body either. “Dennis” calls the police, confessing that Cyrus killed the other couple. Meanwhile, Forbes takes his machine and runs to the car until Nikki whacks him with a shovel.
They carry Forbes inside and discuss switching back. Shelby, inside Nikki, doesn’t want to switch back. Everyone argues because she’s the only conscious person who knows how to use the machine.
Cyrus in Forbes talks a lot of sense to Shelby, who is in Nikki. Someone points out that Cyrus was inside Reuben in Round one and lied about it to cheat on Shelby.
Reuben/Forbes wakes up and gives bad advice. Shelby comes up with a wild plan to switch everyone, not necessarily for the better.
As the police show up outside, everyone rushes to the machine again. Everyone accuses everyone else of conspiring to do shenanigans with the machine before the police confiscate the machine. Shelby’s body is allergic to peanuts and she’s poisoned by the real Shelby, inside Nikki. Someone stole all the money from Dennis’s trust fund. Things get crazy. Everyone wrestles over an EpiPen as the police pound on the door.
Some of the characters hook to the machine and slam the button.
Coda
Beatrice, Forbes’s little sister, arrives at the house and beats up Forbes for stealing her suitcase. Except that’s not Forbes, it’s Dennis. No, that’s not Beatrice; it’s Forbes. Beatrice, Forbes’s sister, has been in Forbes’s body all along. We get more flashback to eight years ago. She’s always had mental issues, and that’s just gotten a lot worse. Yes, this whole thing was a plot by Beatrice to get back at everyone.
Cyrus is in jail for confessing to the murders that he didn’t do. Shelby comes to visit him, but she doesn’t want to tell the police the truth about him. She tells him that he was just super high and imagined the whole thing, gaslighting him and unable to prove that she is, in fact, Shelby.
We get a whole ‘nother flashback about who ended up with what body. Nikki stole the machine, now addicted to switching bodies. Without the machine, everyone is stuck in the body they’re in now.
Shelby finally clears the air with Cyrus.
Brian’s Commentary
The music in this one really stands out. The house is really weird, designed by a dead artist. It’s got weird art, a room full of mirrors, and an electric “Trauma” sign on the balcony. Very cool.
Kevin pointed out that Shelby was on some kind of drug for her mental issues early on, and in a new body with a different brain she might not be having those mental issues but the person in her body would.
The characters and acting here are excellent– they’d have to be so you can tell who’s who when they aren’t “them” anymore. The writing on this is phenomenal since the plot gets so convoluted at the end. Just when you thought it was over, there’s a whole extra layer of stuff going on.
Geez this one is complicated– I almost felt like I needed to watch the last ten minutes a second time.
This is one of those movies that I’m going to be thinking about for a week. Excellent!
Kevin’s Commentary
Physically caused mental illness, hormones, psychological medications, booze, and drugs would affect the mind going into that body. Further complicating the weirdness of switching bodies.
This is one that I felt like I wanted to see again after I was done, especially the ending. The setting, soundtrack, cast, and story all worked together really well. The script was good, I thought, then it took another turn in the coda section of the film. It was great.
2024 The Yorkie Werewolf
· Directed by Michael DiBiasio-Ornelas
· Written by Michael DiBiasio-Ornelas
· Stars Isabella Jaimie, Risa Mei, Jacob Rainer
· Run Time: 1 Hour, 15 Minutes
· Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
The basic premise is that a young woman becomes a were-yorkie rather than a were-wolf. So she’s both adorable and deadly. But wait, there’s more. Witches and warlocks and mobsters and vampires all interact in this weirdly entertaining film. The effects get the job done, the script is out there and the actors seem to go along with it having a good time.
Spoilery Synopsis
Two men run through the snowy woods away from one man who has lost his foot and another shoots himself in the head. A tiny werewolf kills them as credits roll.
Grandma sits up and prophecizes: “You will end the war at great cost. I have seen it,” and then she farts before dying. The family are all witches and have been for many generations. Jenny’s mother, Sandra, says that Jenny has to come to the coven meeting tonight. For good measure, grandma farts some more, an indication of how much power she had in her.
Jenny’s boyfriend Dominic wants to make out in the car, and she blasts him with magic. He farts too after he’s unconscious. She then takes him to the coven as a sacrifice. “Witches and mobsters can never mix.” Sandra and her two witchy friends explain a ton of backstory about… everything. As she holds her little Yorkie dog, she cuts it and drips dog’s blood into Don’s mouth.
Suddenly, the witches die in a mobster attack. One of the witches was a double agent! After a quick fight, only Jenny is left alive. Her spell has gone wrong, and Jenny turns into a werewolf. A special werewolf. A Yorkie werewolf.
Jenny got blamed for stabbing everyone. She goes to live with Chris and his foster family. Chris gives her licorice made from blood; he’s a vampire. They go for a walk in the woods, and she turns as he watches. He sees the Ewok-sized werewolf and obviously thinks she’s adorable. He knows her whole history and about the war between the supernatural and mafia. Chris also wants to kill Big Nick, the leader of the mob. When he talks about getting revenge, she agrees. “Arf!”
The two go to an Italian restaurant and spy on the mobsters complaining about meatballs. The monsters also have a plan to eliminate the witches and the vampires. Big Nick turns out to be Jenny’s father.
They go to the gun store to buy bombs from Cliff. Cliff knows that they are a vampire and werewolf, and he knows about the war too. He doesn’t have a bomb, but he tells them how to blow up the Italian’s restaurant.
Chris goes to the restaurant and gets a job there as a janitor. “Papa Nick” meets him, and it’s all very Godfathery. The old man insists that Chris eat a big plate of spaghetti– with garlic. The fangs kinda gave it away, but they know who Chris is. As they torment her vampire friend, Jenny runs into the kitchen and turns all the gas burners on. She promptly gets knocked out, and soon both of them are prisoners. Chris escapes.
Later, Nick takes human-Jenny to a restaurant and tells her about her mother. He says the other “families” made him kill Sandra when they found out he had a connection to her. He says he’s even been protecting her. They make a plan to work together. He wants to get all the supernatural entities together in order to “cure” them all with his magic orbs. He’s already issued invitations. It’s pretty obvious that he’s lying, but she goes along with it.
The mafia and their orbs meet up with the creatures of the night out in the woods. Jenny turns into a werewolf and tells her story to bar patrons. She ends up killing all of them. The little werewolf steals a motorcycle and heads toward the battlefield.
At the battlefield, Papa Nick tries to talk the supernatural to death, but he eventually gets done monologuing enough to get down to business.
Jenny shows up and explains how ferocious she is. He gets upset that she was riding a motorcycle. Nick escapes in a cloud of green smoke as the rest of the mafia try to negotiate for their lives. Jenny tells Chris that the hunt for Nick is her fight, not his. We cut back to the opening scene as Jenny kills the gangsters one by one. She does spare one guy who swears fealty to her.
Later, that guy takes the werewolf’s head to Big Nick, who is thrilled. Nope, that was a copycat werewolf head, not Jenny’s. She’s brought Cliff, who put a bomb in the wolf’s head.
BOOM!
The last mafia guy says, “Jenny, you’re the head of the mafia now. That’s how it works!”
Jenny doesn’t have much for Chris to do other than be her sex slave once in a while, so she’s done with him. She gives him one of the magic orbs and leaves him in the restaurant. Then realizes something, stops, goes back in and says she needs a ride home.
Brian’s Commentary
The werewolf looks like a rabid Ewok which is hilarious. The acting here is weird and over the top, especially Jenny and Big Nick. The weird characters are far more interesting than the fairly-generic plot. Papa Nick’s accent is way too thick to get as many lines as he’s got; he really could use subtitles.
It’s weird and quirky, but it’s got some flaws. Still, if the concept appeals to you, it’s fun.
Kevin’s Commentary
I appreciate the amount of farting and fart jokes, an element so often lacking in horror films. The balance of strangeness and humor with the gore made a good mix in this one. Like Brian said, the plot is on the generic side if you think about it, but everything going on spices it up nicely. It’s worth a watch.
2024 Invisible Raptor
· Directed by Mikey Hermosa
· Written by Mike Capes, Johnny Wickham
· Stars Sean Astin, Mike Capes, Sandy Martin
· Run Time: 1 Hour, 55 Minutes
· Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
It’s a genius way to make the special effects easier - make the monster invisible. It still does actually have a lot of effects, and plenty of gore. There’s a lot of humor, referencing other movies with dinosaurs and camouflaged monsters. It’s a bit on the long side, but it moved decently through most of it, and it was entertaining overall.
Spoilery Synopsis
John Sykes and Willie Walsh work in their lab, and they have some kind of monster in a cage. They are raising their invisible raptor to be really smart.
Sykes has to leave to buy his kid a birthday gift; his birthday was two weeks ago. Willie notices that the raptor has the keys to his cage and reaches inside to grab them. He grabs the keys successfully but then stands too close to the bars. Talk about someone who should know better. Killing Willie, the raptor opens the lock and escapes. It uses Willie’s eyeball to open the lock on the door. Credits roll as it follows Sykes down the road.
Sykes goes to DinoWorld, an amusement park devoted to dinosaurs, to buy that birthday gift. We cut to Dr. Grant Walker, a dinosaur specialist, explaining about raptors and dinosaurs to a bunch of kids.
Meanwhile, Denny dresses in the restroom, putting on a dinosaur suit, and he’s not really proud of his job. He goes outside and does a dinosaur mating dance with the PhD dino expert. There’s a whole rap song.
Grant stops in the gift shop and runs into Amber, his ex, and her (their?) daughter Hannah. She’s divorced now, and his career isn’t doing so well. Manager Todd comes over and makes a fool out of Grant; Denny does the same.
We get a dino-POV shot as the invisible raptor sneaks into the park and eats Denny’s dog. It then hops in the back of little Elliot’s car as the boy complains about his retainer. Denny and Grant find a bloody footprint.
Denny goes out and leaves a bag of burning poop on his ex’s doorstep.
Elliot sees something tearing up his garage and leads it through the house with a trail of M&Ms until he meets the creature. Grant watches the news report about a big pile of poop with a retainer in it being found at Elliot’s house. Grant puts two and two together and tells Denny about it. They watch footage of Denny’s dog being eaten on the security camera.
Denny takes Grant to see the sheriff and deputy about Elliot’s disappearance. They make jokes about a “Rapper” on the loose. Surprisingly, they don’t believe the story.
The two go to Elliot’s house next to see the pile of dinosaur poop. Grant confirms that the Elliot-poop matches his fossilized feces sample. “I know my shit,” he points out. They also find Mr. Beagle’s collar. Grant calls Amber and tells her to stay inside; she doesn’t believe him either.
They guys stop at McCluskey farms, the big chicken ranch. Something has eaten all Henrietta’s chicken… and eggs. The raptor may have raped her giant chicken statue. Still, the old woman didn’t actually seeanything.
That night, the raptor eats an old woman and her three cats. Denny bonds with Grant, and he needs a friend desperately. They stop driving when they see a big poop rolling down the road; it looks like an old lady and cats.
A few streets over, Amber takes a bath as the raptor sneaks in the back door. Amber throws the shower curtain over the dinosaur, so she and Hannah can “see” it. Denny and Grant come inside, but are shocked to find that the raptor is invisible!
Grant and Amber get close again, but then out of nowhere, Denny tackles a ninja. The ninja is actually Sykes, knows all about the invisible raptor weapons system. The raptor’s name is “Chance.” No one knows the raptor is missing; he is invisible after all.
Sykes puts on infrared goggles, and he “sees” the dino outside. Chance sees him too, and soon Sykes is headless. It runs off, but Denny “tags” it with a birthday balloon.
An old Karen watches the noisy party across the street and calls the sheriff. Then she sees a balloon out walking alone, and something she doesn’t see eats her. The sheriff and deputy arrive on the scene, and the raptor scratches on their car. They don’t last long after that.
The dino opens a car and activates the garage door opener in order to attend the big party. Mayhem ensues until Grant arrives and shoots it with a tranquilizer. He wants to lock the creature up in a jail cell, but Denny thinks that’s a bad idea.
Denny stops on the way to the police station to taunt his sixth-grade nemesis, and the raptor wakes up. Dusty dies in the most graphic way possible, much to Denny’s amusement. “My bad,” says Denny. Grant and Denny argue over whose fault this is until Grant gets over the top mean.
Amber and Grant go back to DinoWorld. He wants to bait the raptor using the rap song and dino suit. Where can they do it? How about the chicken farm? He calls Denny because he needs help, and apologizes. Cue the getting-ready-for-battle montage.
At Henrietta’s house, they talk her into driving her chicken-wagon through town while playing the mating song over the loudspeaker to lure it to the farm, where Denny will be waiting in his pee-covered dinosaur suit to blow it up with an exploding arrow. Yes, it’s that kind of plan.
They put the plan into action, and it’s quite a scene. The dinosaur ends up chasing the truck through town at high speed. They make it to the farm, and Denny has a very close encounter with the invisible raptor. Denny pees all over the raptor, and we can see it now.
Sex-starved Henrietta comes out of the house dressed in a chicken suit to “seduce” the raptor. The raptor takes advantage of the eager victim. Grant shoots the dinosaur with the exploding arrow that Denny made.
Time passes, and Grant gets back together with Amber. Denny gets together with Dusty’s widow, his sixth-grade crush.
Brian’s Commentary
What do you do if you want to make a dinosaur movie, but have no budget for effects? Make the dinosaur invisible, of course! There’s never any explanation as to WHY the dino is invisible, just that it is.
The top-billed star, Sean Astin, dies in the first five minutes, and that’s even before the credits.
There are uncountable references to “Jurassic Park,” “Predator,” and other movies here.
It’s one joke after another (lots of poop and butthole jokes), but as long as you accept the silly premise, it’s not bad. It is, however, far longer than it needed to be at nearly two hours.
Kevin’s Commentary
My only complaint about this is that it felt like it went on too long. The cast is good, the effects get the job done, and the humor makes it a lot of fun. I’d recommend it for a good time.
2024 Swap
· Directed by Dallas King
· Written by Dallas King
· Stars Dallas King, Jessica Lelia Greene, James Eastwood, Erin Anne Gray
· Run Time: 1 Hour, 26 Minutes
· Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
This is a quartet of people looking good doing lots of nudity and sex. And there’s a vampire storyline unlying it. It does touch on morals, what’s right vs wrong, who is a monster and does it matter. We thought the sex, and talk about sex, was too heavy handed and the horror was downplayed too much. It’s decent for what it is, but we didn’t love it.
Spoilery Synopsis
We watch a graphic sex scene as the credits roll. She tries to choke him, and he makes her stop; he’s not into that. Kayla suggests to Rad that they bring in a third, but he says that’s cheating. They clearly have issues. He goes to take a shower, and when he comes out, she’s standing on her head doing yoga.
They get in the car and drive four hours to Glory’s house. It gets dark on the way. They let themselves in and hear Glory having sex with her guy in the bedroom. They walk in and watch for a bit, and it’s quite a rough display. This all makes Rad a little uptight, since he’s clearly repressed.
Glory’s boyfriend snorts coke in the kitchen, and Rad points out that he’s a cop and uptight about the drugs as well.
In the bathroom, Glory wants Kayla to share Rad with her, but Kayla doesn’t think he’d be interested in that. Over dinner, the three talk about old times and how promiscuous they all were, except for Rad, who just listens in silent judgment. Glory’s a lot to take in, and Angelo apologizes to Rad for her.
Later the two couples are making out in the Jacuzzi, and Rad watches as the two girls go at it together; they have history. Then Angelo gets his turn, and Rad looks really uncomfortable and gets out to leave. We soon see that Rad is not aroused. Angelo follows Rad and tries to help him out. Rad punches Angelo and demands that he and Kayla leave.
After a while, Rad calms down and gets drunk. He watches Angelo and Glory having sex, and we notice that Angelo has glowing eyes. Gloria tells Kalya that Angelo is her new “Master” and Kayla thinks she means Dom stuff. Rad and Angelo talk about legal and illegal pleasures. Angelo says he’s tried to live forever to keep enjoying life. Meanwhile, Kayla and Glory take a bath and talk about careers and squirting. For some reason, Glory won’t share her drink with Kayla.
Angelo finally convinces Rad to try the multiple partner thing for the evening. Glory finally shares her drink with Kayla. Finally, at 45 minutes in, Gloria sprouts fangs and bites Kayla. As Kayla turns into a vampire, Angelo can feel it too. Kayla figures out that she no longer needs her contact lenses.
Rad dreams about vampires and then wakes up. He calls in to work and has them look up Angelo’s history. No priors, not in the system at all. He argues with Kayla shortly after that. The four all go hiking in the hills that afternoon.
Angelo tells Rad that he’s been watching him for a few months. He says his race goes way back. He says he’s thousands of years old. Vampires aren’t what the movies show. “We’re not vampires, we’re hedonists.”
Rad thinks they’re all crazy, so Angelo wants to talk to him alone. Angelo says if he bit Rad, he would die; “You have to want it.” Rad grabs the bottle out of Angelo’s hand and swigs it; it’s blood, which he was not expecting. Afterward, Rad gets really dizzy.
Everyone jumps in bed, but Rad says he has to pee. When he comes out, he points his gun at Angelo and shoots him. Glory too. Kayla too. He then calls into 911 about the shooting. Then Angelo gets back up; “Really?” he whines. Kayla gets up, not happy about being shot. The three vampires pin Rad down and drink him.
The police arrive outside.
Brian’s Commentary
At about the twenty minute mark, Kevin pointed out that the whole thing felt like a big Instagram post; it all looked good, but no story.
We get a glimpse of bat-wings in Angelo’s shadow early on, and then we see his glowing eyes, but really, there’s nothing supernatural for a very long portion of the story. There’s a lot of discussion and debate about the merits of multiple-partner sex, and it feels like that was the main agenda of the writer here. It just goes on and on, for more than two-thirds of the film. That and the pseudo-porn scenes. The film is half over before we get a hint that this is more than a sex film.
There’s honestly too much sex and not enough horror here. It got old really fast with all the talk about sex. It’s… pretty bad.
Kevin’s Commentary
All style, little substance. Like an influencer social media post, it looks good but doesn’t really matter much. There’s loads of sex and nudity, not that that’s necessarily a bad thing, but it felt more like a midcore porn than a horror movie. It does get there eventually with some vampire action.
Short Films:
2024 Short Film: They Chose Here
· Directed by Kyle Brewis, Josh Klaassen
· Written by Kyle Brewis, Josh Klaassen, Jesse Mrau, Nic Baxter
· Stars Mike Belcher, John Belcher, Lily Zarif
· Run Time: 7:37
· Watch it:
What Happens
Two brothers drive their car to an isolated spot and watch for UFOs. Why would UFOs choose to come here? They just might.
When the bright lights appear in the sky, the brothers get what they came for… sorta.
Commentary
This is really well shot, especially since it all takes place in the dark. What’s happening is very clear at all times, and it’s nicely paced. We never really find out why what happens the way it does, but who can really understand those pesky aliens?
2024 Short Film: Hunnington Hills
· Directed by Reid Stasiak
· Written by George McKay, Reid Stasiak
· Stars Tomas Bennett, Japheth Johnson, Millie Lambie
· Run Time: 7:54
· Watch it:
What Happens
A young man goes to stay in a B&B-style place and is shocked to find that there’s a butler there, and not an especially friendly one, either. After handing over his keys, he goes up to his room. Late at night, he looks outside and sees the butler burning something. What’s really going on here?
Commentary
This one didn’t explain as much as I would have liked. We see what happens but not why. It’s well-shot and looks good. We always understand what’s happening, but we just don’t know why, and this time around, I think we needed to know more.
2024 Short Film: Born Again
· Directed by Jason Tostevin
· Written by Randall Greenland, Jason Tostevin
· Stars Ellie Church, Randall Greenland, Brian Spangler, Tiffany Arnold
· Run Time: 6:27
· Watch it:
What Happens
A group of cultists surround an obviously pregnant woman about to give birth. As they plan to summon the devil’s rebirth, they all start chanting. One of the cultists arrives late, and he’s a bit of an idiot, but he has brought the unholy book with him. What could go wrong?
Commentary
I don’t think the cultists were expecting that.
The masks, well, most of the masks, were really cool. These Satanists, however, are really bad at their job.
Nice!
2024 Short Film: Meat Puppet
· Directed by Eros V.
· Written by Eros V.
· Stars David Jonsson, Máiréad Tyers, Gregg Chillin
· Run Time: 11:58
· Watch it:
What Happens
A young man skips his own graduation to stay home and play with his action figures. His girlfriend calls to yell at him for being late, but before he can leave, he gets a package delivered. Is that his new Goku figurine? He can’t wait to open the box, but he’s a little surprised when there’s just a weird hand puppet inside. Still, he can’t resist putting it on and playing with it.
Or is it playing with him?
Commentary
Be sure to stick around through the credits; there’s more at the end.
David Jonsson recently starred in “Alien: Romulus,” and he’s excellent here as well. We’ve seen similar puppet-centric plots before, but this one has a few unique twists to it that we enjoyed a lot. It’s extremely well-paced and well-shot, moves quickly, and is very funny.
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