We’re back to our regular mix of new and old films, this time, starting off with “Smile 2” and “Daddy’s Head,” both from this year. We’ll launch into our members-only special with “Alien 3” from 1992 as we cover all the Alien films we haven’t already done. Lastly, we’ll watch a really weird Godzilla movie, “All Monsters Attack” (1969), and then have a snack with “The Food of the Gods” from 1976.
And, of course, we have five excellent short films for you.
The latest issue of “Horror Monthly” is now on sale, and it’s our biggest issue yet, with 54 reviews plus a short story by none other than Kevin himself.
Don’t miss out on our most recent members-only edition of the newsletter, coming early next week! This month's “extras” contain the full synopsis and commentary on all the “Alien” films that we haven’t already covered, “Alien Resurrection,” “Prometheus,” “Alien: Covenant,” “Alien vs Predator,” and “Alien vs Predator: Requiem.” We’ve finally finished off the complete Alien franchise! Paid subscription info can be found at https://www.horrorweekly.com.
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Mainstream Films:
2024 Smile 2
• Directed by Parker Finn
• Written by Parker Finn
• Stars Naomi Scott, Rosemarie DeWitt, Lukas Gage
• Run Time: 2 Hours, 7 Minutes
• Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
This sequel takes the elements and ideas from the first movie and cranks up the dial. We thought it was bigger and better in every way. Maybe a little on the long side. Overall, we both liked it more than the first movie.
Spoilery Synopsis
Six days later... Joel, from [[the first film]{.underline}](https://www.horrorguys.com/smile-2022/), sits in the car. He pulls down a mask and pulls a gun on a man. He leads the man into the man's house and stabs him in front of his brother. The brother then shoots Joel, who shoots him back. Both men die, leaving Joel alone-- this wasn't what he was expecting. He had to have a live witness to pass the curse on to. Unexpectedly, a young guy appears in the room, Joel thought it was just the dead guys who were there. "This wasn't meant for you," Joel apologizes. The brothers' gang shows up, and Joel barely escapes-- right into the path of a truck, which kills him excessively. Credits roll.
We cut to an interview show, talking to pop star Skye Riley, who was in a tragic accident a year ago. She announces a new tour kicking off next week. She's had a rough year.
We cut to Skye rehearsing for her next video, but she hurts her back. We see that she's got a fairly serious injury from the accident that has left scars and residual pain. Her mother, Elizabeth, is there, and she's happy that Skye is getting back on her feet.
Skye calls Lewis, her former dealer, for some Vicodin, and he's really messed up. He says he's had a bad week, and he's in the middle of something seriously weird and scary. Lewis then disappears into the back room and emerges screaming. He sees something that Skye doesn't. He has a seizure and then smiles maniacally, which creeps her out. He then beats himself to death with a barbell plate, smiling all the while. Skye goes home, in shock.
That night, in her room, she sees Lewis standing over her, smashed face and all.
The next day, Darius invites her to a charity event. She still sees Lewis in the mirror's reflection, but not in the actual room. We soon see that being a superstar doesn't look like a lot of fun. One of the fans is insane, but the one after that doesn't speak at all and has a huge, creepy smile.
At her mother's prompting, Skye calls Gemma, an old friend who cut her off the previous year. Not long after, she finds that crazy fan, naked, in her room-- no not really, she imagined it. He must've left an impression!
When Gemma arrives, the bad man isn't there anymore. Skye tells Gemma about seeing Lewis die yesterday. Gemma agrees to stay over tonight.
We flash back to Skye's auto accident. Actor Paul Hudson was killed, and she was torn up pretty badly herself.
We cut to Skye recording her music video, and it's a big production-- until her knee explodes. The whole show stops, but there's nothing wrong with her knee. She blames one of the other dancers and then storms out. When she finds her dressing room trashed, she blames her assistant Joshua. Everyone immediately assumes Skye's using drugs again.
Skye goes to the charity event she promised Darius to host, and she's got blood on her face. The teleprompter freezes, and she makes a fool out of herself on stage. She then reads on the teleprompter that Paul Hudson will be the next guest-- and then she sees him there, smiling evilly. He's the guy who was driving and killed when she was in her accident. Skye then attacks an old woman by mistake. The reaction to the speech is... exactly what you'd expect.
In the meantime, Skye starts getting texts from an unknown number who says all the stuff she's seen is real, and that they know what happened at Lewis's house. They even send a video that Lewis recorded. She eventually agrees to meet Morris. Morris explains that some kind of "being" possessed Lewis and caused him to kill himself. It disguises itself as smiling people, and only people who are infected can see it. In less than a week, it forces the host to kill themselves in front of a witness. It will leave if she dies, but she's not a fan of that plan. He sounds crazy, but we know he's correct.
Back at home, she sees a whole bunch of people in her apartment, and they're all smiling. She passes out and dreams more about Dead-Paul and the accident. They were arguing and she attacked him while he was driving. Yeah, it was all her fault.
Skye wakes up in a private hospital, and her mother explains what they found in her apartment. This is Skye's last second-chance if she doesn't go ahead with doing the tour. Her mother really reads her the riot act, laying on the guilt trip excessively. Her mother brutally kills herself, but then Sky finds herself holding the glass shard. Who really did that?
On the way out of the hospital, she steals the security guard's gun and threatens the whole place before running away. Just to make it worse, she steps on a broken bottle barefoot. She meets up with Gemma outside, who agrees to drive her away. Skye then gets a call from Gemma, but Gemma's sitting in the car with her, isn't she? Gemma on the phone says she hasn't seen or talked to her for nearly a year. The Gemma-looking woman driving the car smiles evilly. Skye asserts her will by force and finds that it's her behind the wheel and the Gemma woman isn't there.
Skye meets up with Morris, and she hands him the gun. He's rented an old Pizza Hut, it's the only place with a freezer big enough to chill her far enough to "die" temporarily. It's all very sketchy, but she goes along with his plan. If she dies for a bit, the entity should leave her.
The freezer gets her heart rate down, and then Morris will inject her with something to stop the heart entirely. After six or nine minutes, he'll revive her. Except the entity attacks her before any of that happens. Skye grabs the syringe full of poison and injects herself. Skye's heart stops. But none of this is real; Skys didn't even have a syringe.
Suddenly, Skye finds herself on stage, in costume, with a huge crowd. Her mother, Joshua, and Darius are there, and they're all happy. There's also a smiling version of herself, who tears herself open and reveals a monster inside. It tears her head open. Back in what seems to be reality, she smiles for the crowd of thousands of people. She then sticks a microphone through her eye, killing herself in front of all those witnesses...
Brian's Commentary
Why couldn't Skye just get a prescription for her Vicodin? She seems to have a legitimate reason with her injury. She shouldn't need to go to a drug dealer for a fix. She gives an in-movie reason, but for someone of her status, it still shouldn't be a problem.
Skye was based on Lady Gaga, and that's pretty obvious from the stuff we see her doing on stage. As far as I am aware, the real Lady Gaga hasn't run into any supernatural entities, but I could be wrong. Still, Naomi Scott does all her own singing and dancing here, and she's very good.
There are a lot of jump scares here, but several of them are really well executed, not just loud noises for no reason. The gore effects are really excellent here, and Skye really goes through a lot of torment.
The ending was a bit confusing; how much of the movie was real and how much of it was a creature-induced hallucination? It's clear that the whole subplot about dying and releasing the creature and then returning to life was all imaginary. Did Morris, the doctor character, even really exist? I dunno.
It's maybe a hair too long, but I don't know what I'd cut out. Overall, I thought this was far superior to the original.
Kevin's Commentary
I thought this was pretty great. Sequels don't always live up to the first movie, this one does. The casting is perfect, and everyone does a great job. I'd highly recommend it.
2024 Daddy's Head
• Directed by Benjamin Barfoot
• Written by Benjamin Barfoot
• Stars James Harper-Jones, Rupert Turnbull, Julia Brown
• Run Time: 1 Hour, 32 Minutes
• Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
We get a spoiler right from the beginning that young Isaac will survive the movie. But who else will? It's a family drama drenched in grief with a dose of horror. Heavy on the grief and angst. Is that a real monster lurking in the shadows? The choice is made to make us wonder, maybe a little too much. It was still pretty good. Liked more than disliked.
Spoilery Synopsis
Isaac goes into the empty house and stares at the air vent. He flashes back to when he was younger, visiting his dying father in the hospital. The bandaged-up man in the bed is badly injured and clearly dying. Credits roll.
After the father dies, Isaac goes home with his stepmother, Laura, but he's not adjusting well. Neither is she. Laura has inherited everything, but she has to choose whether or not to become Isaac's legal guardian. Laura's own mother thinks it might be best if she gives the boy up to social services; she's had issues in the past.
Laura goes to sleep that night and wakes up to see a strange man standing outside in the dark. A dream?
Dead-James's best buddy, Robert, comes over to talk to the survivors. That night, both Laura and Isaac see bright lights.
In the morning, they both go outside and see a big forest fire in the distance. There's a huge cloud of smoke, but when the fire department arrives, they can't find a fire at all.
The next night, Laura actually sees James outside. He calls her name, but his face is missing. In the morning, they bury James; it's time for the funeral.
Laura, Isaac, and Bella the dog see something round and scary in the living room that night, and the dog chases it out the window. Neither of them sleeps well that night.
Robert comes over to help in the morning, and he seems to like being around Laura; he offers to stay and make them dinner. That night, Isaac sees the thing in his room; it's his father's... head. "Come to the forest," it says before vanishing.
In the morning, Isaac goes to the woods to talk to the head, but the dog rushes in to attack it. Isaac swears his father has come back through some kind of accident; his father says he's not supposed to be here. The social worker says Laura just needs to be more supportive of the grieving child.
Laura and Isaac go out to the woods and find a weird house built out there. Laura is terrified of it, but Isaac says it was built for him. She ends up dragging him home after he punches her.
Upset, Laura calls Robert for help. She's reconsidering keeping Isaac since he hit her. Robert offers to take Isaac if she wants. She also had him buy her some cameras to place around the house, including in Isaac' bedroom.
Late at night, Bella the dog goes back to the house in the woods and sees another dog inside. Whatever it is, isn't really a dog, and attacks Bella. Robert and Laura find the mortally wounded dog in the morning, but Laura wonders whether or not Isaac killed Bella. The wounds could have been from a knife. They go out to bury Bella next to James and find the gravesite is all messed up.
Isaac hears something making noise behind the air vent in his room. The grate pops off, and he sees Bella in there along with his father. His father tells that Laura and Robert are watching and that Isaac shouldn't trust either of them. Laura is watching on the camera, and she sees James's face in the hole as well.
Drunken Laura calls Mary the social worker and has a major breakdown in front of everyone. She's very upset, which leads to her kissing Robert. In the morning, Laura doesn't remember any of it and offers to let Robert have Isaac.
Isaac leads Robert out to the stick-house in the woods. Robert sees something inside, and whatever it is scares him.
We cut to Laura going to the hospital; something hurt Robert very badly. Isaac is obviously lying about what happened. He admits to destroying his father's grave, but he says he didn't hurt Bella or Robert. "They were scared of Dad."
The creature comes into the house that night and everyone sees its true face. Laura gets knocked silly and takes a moment to recover. We see that Isaac did have the knife that Laura's been looking for throughout the film. Laura takes it and stabs the thing to death.
We cut back to older Isaac, looking at that vent. He's an adult now, and he goes back to the stick-house in the woods. Now it's mostly just a big pile of collapsed sticks and brush now, but he still goes inside. He finds a photo of his father inside along with a humanoid skeleton that has no face on the skull. He then goes to visit Laura, whom he now calls "Mom." Everything has turned out OK.
Brian's Commentary
It's one of those stories where it could be supernatural, or it could be just a coping-with-grief story, we weren't really sure which until the end.
The house in the woods is neatly designed and very cool. We see very little of the monster until the end, which is not cool. It's not great-looking.
Overall, this is more family drama than horror, but it's... OK.
Kevin's Commentary
The angst and grief was laid on thick. And there was a little too much playing coy with the monster being real or visible to us for too long. But it was okay. And things wrapped up in the end. It was watchable, not too bad, but I don't feel like it's one I'd need to see again.
Alien 3 (1992)
• Directed by David Fincher
• Written by Dan O'Bannon, Ronald Shusett, Vincent Ward
• Stars Sigourney Weaver, Charles S. Dutton, Charles Dance
• Run Time: 2 Hours, 24 Minutes
• Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
We saw the extended version known as the "Assembly Cut" this time around after previously seeing the theatrical release. There is a lot of extra footage that gives much more character to the prisoners, tells more background, and helps fill out Ripley's character a little more. Plus, we get more xenomorph action. If you enjoyed the first two movies, it's likely you'll have a good time here too.
Spoilery Synopsis
As the credits roll, we open with shots of the Sulaco from "Aliens," with the three survivors in cryosleep-- but there's clearly a facehugger on board. Bad things happen to the ship, and the lifeboat is ejected. The escape pod crashes on Fiorina-161, a mining/prison planet.
Clemens is out for a walk on the beach and finds Ripley lying there unconscious in the sand, on the beach, alone. He carries her back to the base, and the other men are shocked. "Get down to the beach; there may be others," he commands. We soon learn that Hicks and Newt have died in the crash, and Bishop was smashed up beyond repair. They send a report back to the company about what they've found.
Dillon calls a meeting of the other prisoners; he's a preacher, and all the prisoners have sworn a vow of nonviolence and celibacy. Andrews then explains about the crashed escape pod and the sole survivor. It's probably in everyone's best interest if the woman doesn't come out of the infirmary. None of the men has seen a woman in years.
Ripley finally wakes up, and Clemens fills her in on what's happened. He suggests she shave her head, as they have a lice problem. The base only has a staff of twenty-five prisoners. She eventually inspects the ship and notices an acid burn on Newt's cryo pod. She inspects the body, but Newt doesn't seem to have been impregnated with an egg. Ripley wants to do an autopsy just to be sure, but there's nothing in there.
Some of the men wonder what killed their prime cow. They find a dead facehugger nearby. Ripley talks Superintendent Andrews into having a funeral and cremation for the two dead bodies. While they do this, we cut back to the dead cow as something comes out of the body... This new xenomorph runs on four legs.
Dillon talks to some men in the cafeteria who complain about Golic; he stinks and he's crazy. Dillon tells them to deal with it. When Ripley walks in, all eyes are on her; she's gonna be trouble.
Later, Clemens talks to Ripley, and he really wants to know what she expected to find inside Newt. Rather than answer, she has sex with him. We cut to a maintenance man working in a ventilation shaft; he finds a molted skin-- and then what came out of it. Clemens gets called to deal with the mess.
Clemens very quickly puts it together that what happened to the maintenance man had something to do with the acid burn Ripley found. Andrews gets a call from the company that warns him how important Ripley is and that he needs to protect her at all costs.
Meanwhile, Ripley goes out to the junkyard and recovers what's left of Bishop. She's attacked by four prisoners but is violently rescued by Dillon. She gets Bishop to a workshop and hooks him up to the flight recorder. He's a mess, but he can replay what happened to the Sulaco; there was an alien on board. "It was with us all the way," he confesses. Then he asks to be disconnected and let die permanently.
Three men go down into the tunnels to work, and two of them, Boggs and Rains, are killed by an Alien. Golic gets away, covered in blood, and is soon accused of killing the other two men. He blames "the dragon." Ripley gets involved and tells Andrews about the alien now that she's sure one is among them. Andrews doesn't believe any of it.
Ripley starts feeling ill. She asks why Clemens is here-- is he a prisoner? He admits that he got addicted to morphine and killed a bunch of patients by accident. He was a prisoner, but when his sentence was up he had nowhere else to go so he stayed as their doctor. As Clemens injects Ripley with a sedative, an alien kills Clemens right in front of her. It then gets right up close to Ripley, sniffs her, and then backs away.
Just as Ripley runs in to warn the assembled men about the monster, it kills Andrews right in front of them all. The men want Dillon, the violent preacher, to take charge, but he looks to Ripley for leadership. She says this one moves differently from what she's seen before (because it came out of a cow).
Andrews suggests luring the creature into the toxic waste disposal vault. It's never been used, but it'll securely hold anything. Dillon gets the men working on the plan. As they work, it becomes obvious that Ripley really is sick. The alien kills a man and the explosive trap goes off prematurely, killing a bunch of the men. Still, they do manage to trap it inside the vault.
Things calm down a bit, and Dillon does a funeral for all the dead. Ripley and Aaron talk about the company coming to kill the alien-- or not kill it more likely. The company sends a message prohibiting them from killing the xenomorph. Meanwhile, Golic, the crazy one, gets out of the infirmary, kills a guard, and opens the vault door. Turns out, this alien doesn't need a Renfield and kills him.
Ripley continues to deteriorate and decides to do a medical exam on herself. Aaron helps her run a scan, and sure enough, there's an alien inside her waiting to hatch. It's a new queen. The company gets a copy of the scan and says to quarantine Ripley-- they want that alien. The company messages that they'll be there in two hours.
Dillon gathers all the men together to just hang out until the company arrives in ten hours. They decide it might be a good idea to lure the xenomorph into the foundry and bury it in molten lead.
Ripley knows the xenomorph won't kill her because she's carrying the new queen. She wants it to kill her, but it won't. She asks Dillon to kill her, but he won't do it-- yet. She has to persuade the others to kill the alien rather than wait for the company to arrive. They use themselves as bait to lure the alien through the many corridors toward the leadworks.
Outside, the company ship arrives. Ripley starts experiencing chest pains. Aaron leads the scientists and company men through the base.
The plan goes badly, and most of the prisoners die. Dillon drags Ripley away from the alien, and the alien thinks she's being attacked, which draws it out of hiding. Dillon and the xenomorph eventually go one-on-one, but that's got a predictable outcome. Ripley pulls the lever and buries the monster under tons of molten lead.
Nope- it hops right out, covered in boiling lead. Ripley turns on the sprinklers and the cold water does nasty things to the superheated alien. It shatters.
Ripley and Morse are the only ones left. Aaron and the armed company men show up. Bishop is there; another Bishop-- No, he's the human who designed Bishop. He says he wants to help, to take the alien out of her. He says he wants to kill the malignancy. The doctor with him says it'll be an easy operation, and it's all very tempting for her.
The company men shoot Aaron and wound Morse. Human Bishop reveals that he really does just want the alien. They all watch as Ripley lets herself fall backward into the furnace and is killed. Bishop and the men on the ship leave with Morse, the only survivor. The mining/prison colony will be sold as scrap.
Brian's Commentary
We watched the longer "Assembly Cut" from the 2003 Special Edition. It's nearly a half hour longer than the theatrical cut. A large block of the opening is different, as we are simply told about Hicks and Newt, but we see a lot more about their retrieval. A lot of the other scenes are extended, and there's a lot more detail. Overall, it's much improved over the theatrical cut.
This time around, we know from the get-go that Ripley is infected, but it takes a crazy long time for this egg to hatch.
There were some added scenes that probably could have been cut, but overall, the longer version is definitely the way to go.
Kevin's Commentary
I still haven't forgiven them for killing off Newt, Hicks, and Bishop after all they went through to survive the previous movie. In addition to an "Assembly Cut," I want a "Happy Cut," where they all make it back to Earth without any aliens. Ripley and Hicks get married and adopt Newt, who loves Jonesy the cat and Jonesy loves her. They establish the RipleyHicks Private Detective Agency and Bishop teams up with them solving crimes and cases. But no, we got this movie. Which was actually much better, I thought, in the "Assembly Cut" than the theatrical release, and I was very entertained. I'd put it at 4th in my ratings of the Alien films.
1969 All Monsters Attack
• AKA "Godzilla's Revenge"
• Directed by Ishiro Honda, Jun Fukuda, Kengo Furusawa
• Written by Shinichi Sekizawa
• Stars Kenji Sahara, Machiko Naka, Tomonori Yazaki
• Run Time: 1 Hour, 9 Minutes
• Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
This is a version of the mythos with a child as the central character, a latchkey kid who's on the lonely side and a very active imagination. Quite a bit of the film consists of clips stitched together, interspaced with the kid's storyline and some new scenes created of him with Minilla, the Son of Godzilla. Brian didn't hate it, but Kevin almost did.
Spoilery Synopsis
We watch clips of the famous monsters as credits roll along with what might be the worst theme song ever recorded.
We open on a very industrial-looking area of Japan as two children walk to school. Little Ichiro talks about the sound that Minilla makes; he's a fan, and his friend is Sachiko. We get a song that smog and pollution are the real monsters.
We see that Ichiro's father drives a train; he doesn't like that his son doesn't have any friends, and that he's a latchkey kid. His co-worker reads a newspaper story about robbers.
Some bullies pick on Ichiro, and they all call him "chicken." After school, he stops off at Shinpei's, his inventor friend's house, and he's built a "kiddy computer." It shows pictures of the moon, but Ichiro is more interested in Monster Island.
Ichiro is home alone, and he watches the news about the 50 million-yen heist. He uses a beat-up old radio to pretend to contact Monster Island. He imagines himself on an airplane en route to Monster Island. We get clips of Godzilla beating up various monsters (in clips from previous films). He sees and identifies all the monsters there. He runs from the monsters and falls into a near-bottomless pit.
When he gets out of the pit, he runs into Minilla, who speaks to him and is very nice. Suddenly, Gabara attacks, and they run away and hide. The phone rings, and Ichiro's mother says she has to work late and won't be home tonight. This takes Ichiro right out of his dream.
Ichiro goes outside to play and hides from the bully (whose name is also Gabara) inside an abandoned building. He finds some cool loot in the wreckage, but someone else is there. It's the robbers! Ichiro leaves, but not before pocketing one of the robbers' driver's license.
The police go to Shinpei's house and warn him that the robbers are in the area as he and Ichiro eat dinner. Ichiro takes a nap after, and soon, he's back with Gabara and running through the woods.
Minilla says he has no friends, just like Ichiro. "Godzilla says I have to learn to fight my own battles," says the little green guy. We then cut to Godzilla fighting a crab monster as the two "children" watch. Naturally, Godzilla wins and drives his enemy away.
Godzilla almost immediately runs into Kumongo the spider and has to fight him too. Minilla shoots a smoke ring at him, but he's just too little to make a difference.
Gabara is up next. Minilla suddenly grows much taller and shoots smoke rings at the laughing monster. He's still too small, and Gabara throws him around quite a bit.
Fighter jets attack Godzilla, but he makes them pay by crushing them all. Minilla and Godzilla get together and have a laser-breath lesson. Suddenly, a plant grabs Ichiro.
In the real world, Ichiro has been grabbed by the robbers and taken to their hideout as a prisoner. In his mind, Ichiro calls Minilla, who is busy fighting Gabara again. With Ichiro's help, Minilla blasts the big green monster in the face, which only enrages him. Minilla tries to run, but Godzilla pushes him back into the fight; it's time to learn to fight his own battles.
Again, with Ichiro's help, Minilla attacks and sends the baddie flying. Godzilla is pleased and finishes off the monster.
Back in the robbers' lair, the men hotwire Shinpei's car and take Ichiro with them as a hostage. Ichiro remembers Minilla's words and starts fighting his own battle; he runs back into the old building. There's some hide-and-seek as he hides.
Shinpei finds his car with a bag full of money in the driver's seat outside that building.
Inside Ichiro uses what he's learned from the monster to beat the bad guys. The police show up and arrest the two robbers. Shinpei is impressed with Ichiro's actions and takes him home. The news reporters all want to talk to Ichiro, who credits Minilla for saving him.
On the way to school, Ichiro joins the other kids, even Gabara, whom he beats up. "I hate bullies!" he yells.
Brian's Commentary
The monsters here are all heroic-- except for killing all those fighter pilots.
This was Ishiro Honda's second favorite Godzilla film after the original. This was also the first Godzilla film specifically marketed toward children, something that many of the next series of Godzilla films would emulate.
Most of the monster footage here has been re-used from previous films as the budget was miniscule. With years between releases and the young age of the audience, probably few people noticed at the time. Still, it's Ichiro's story, not Godzilla's, and his stuff is all new.
It was highly regarded as a children's film when it came out, but it really doesn't hold up today, at least for us adults. For Japanese-speaking kids of the time, this was probably peak entertainment, but for American kids of Ichiro's age, there's probably way too much reading with the subtitles. I'd recommend finding a dubbed version if you want to show it to a child.
Overall, I didn't hate it, but it's very different from what came before.
Kevin's Commentary
This one didn't work for me. I got tired of the kid, I wasn't impressed with the stitching together of footage from other movies, and it was too kid-oriented. If you want to introduce a child to Godzilla and his ilk, this one might be a good one to use. I wouldn't recommend it for adults looking for entertainment.
1976 The Food of the Gods
• Directed by Bert I. Gordon
• Written by H. G. Wells, Bert I. Gordon
• Stars Marjoe Gortner, Pamela Franklin, Ralph Meeker
• Run Time: 1 Hour, 29 Minutes
• Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
What do you do when thick, pale sludge starts bubbling out of the ground on your property? Feed it to your farm animals, of course. And if the rats and bugs get to it, too, it just adds to the fun. This is loosely based on a portion of the story by H.G. Wells, though they really pushed that connection. Overall, it was just good, not great. A moderate thumbs up.
Spoilery Synopsis
Morgan explains that he's a major football player on vacation to an island. He brings team photographer Brian along as well. He talks about man polluting the Earth, and the ominous warning his wise old father gave him about nature getting its revenge on mankind.
We cut to Morgan and some other men chasing a deer on horseback. They corner the deer, but Morgan lets it go. Davis wants meat, so he continues on after the deer into the deeper woods. Davis is killed by giant wasps.
Morgan goes for help, but instead gets assaulted by a gargantuan rooster. He fights it off with a pitchfork. Mrs. Skinner, the owner of the giant chickens, doesn't have a phone. She's afraid of something and asks Morgan to take a look. She shows him rat holes-- the rats and wasps have gotten into the special "food" that the Lord has sent them. The food makes things grow big, and Morgan points out that giant chickens are one thing, but rats and wasps aren't necessarily good.
Morgan and Brian go back to the ferry to leave the island. They've got Davis's dead body in the back of the car to take to the coroner.
We cut back to Mrs. Skinner, alone in her isolated cabin. Mr. Skinner is on the ferry back to the island, and he asks the man on the boat if he's heard about anything unusual on the island, but the man doesn't know anything. When he gets off the ferry, he gets a flat tire on the way home, and while he's fixing it, he's eaten by giant rats. At home, his wife sticks her hand into some giant maggots and screams.
The next day, we meet Tim and Rita, whose RV is stuck in the mud. Jack Bensington and Lorna drive right on by, refusing to stop and help. The Bensingtons stop at the Skinner farm and see all the dead giant chickens. What killed those? They go inside and see the maggots.
Mrs. Skinner charges in; her husband called Jack and Lorna to see the special animals. She shows them to a fountain of brown sludge that bubbles out of the ground like oil.
Bensington offends Mrs. Skinner, and she doesn't like him. Lorna sees the giant wasps, and they all hide in the old woman's house.
Meanwhile, Morgan and Brian return to the island to learn more about what killed Davis. They find Thomas and Rita with their RV, who tell them a crazy story about seeing giant rats last night.
The two guys make it to the Skinner house and shoot their hunting rifles at the bees. Morgan doesn't take any of Bensington's crap, but Lorna is immediately attracted to Morgan. They soon come upon the huge wasp nest and set it on fire.
Mrs. Skinner runs to the men and says that Lorna fell into a rathole and can't get out. Out in the woods, the rats terrorize Thomas and Rita. Brian and Morgan go over there to check it out, and there are a lot of rats, as big as horses.
Bensington fills up a bunch of bottles and jars with the magic food, and he's got a one-track mind: starving people equals big money. Lorna whines that Rita may be having problems with her baby. Out in the woods, Morgan comes up with a ridiculous plan to electrocute and drown the rats. The plan only halfway works, and Brian is eaten by the rats.
Bensington's got all the samples he can carry, and he's ready to get in the car and leave. Morgan returns and smashes all his bottles just before the rats attack. Bensington is eaten, and the rest of the characters all barricade themselves inside Mrs. Skinner's house.
Tom and Morgan argue about strategy as Rita goes into labor. Lorna wants to have sex with Morgan, right in the middle of the siege. The rats start chewing through the walls, and Mrs. Skinner can't fight off the packs.
Morgan and Tom drive to a small wooden dam and blow it up with pipe bombs. Lorna delivers Rita's baby as the rats crawl all over the house. Everyone rushes upstairs as the flood waters cover everything.
The oversized, overheavy rats can't swim and they all drown in the flood. Only the white rat leader is left, and Morgan fights it hand to hand. He eventually knocks it into the water with all the others.
The two men gather up the rat bodies and Lorna throws the jars of the F.O.T.G. in with them before burning it all. It's over.
Months pass on the Skinner farm, and we see that Bensington's jars of food have washed downstream to where the cows are grazing and giving milk, which goes to all the little kids' schools... SLURP!
Brian's Commentary
Wait a minute-- was the entire island under sea level? How did blowing up a dam flood the island? That looked like the whole ocean was on the other side of that damn, not just a little bit of water.
I remember wanting to see this when it came out; the TV ads looked amazing. My parents wouldn't let me see it, so I got the novelisation through one of those Scholastic catalogs-- yes, they sometimes offered scary books in those. I don't think it was the H.G. Wells novel, but they may have fooled me. I'd have enjoyed the heck out of this at nine years old, but a lot less so today.
In the meantime, I did eventually catch it on TV, and it was edited to pieces-- purely awful. This version, which we watched on Tubi, was uncut. The rats attacking Brian and Mr. Skinner seemed to go on for quite a while and showed a lot of gore and blood that would have been edited out for TV.
The special effects on the insects are pretty awful and dated, but the rats are fairly well done, a combination of puppets and real rats. The many shots of rats being shot aren't real, but they look realistic.
Kevin's Commentary
This was pretty good as far as entertainment value. Just don't think too much about physics or the conservation of matter, or how water levels work. I'm pretty sure I saw this at the drive in when it came out. It's not quite a classic, but it's worth a watch.
Short Films:
2024 Short Film: Match
• Directed by Victor Basallotte
• Written by Victor Basallotte
• Stars Adelaida Polo, Vanessa Orrego
• Run Time: 8:27
• Watch it:
What Happens
Rachel uses one of those online dating apps-- you know, the one where you swipe left or right. She clicks on Zalir's profile and sees something creepy in the image. Afterward, her app, and the phone itself, starts to misbehave. Zalir won't stop matching with her. Then the text messages start...
Commentary
Everyone knows there are risks with online dating, but no one expected this! There's no real explanation as to why this is happening, but it's always clear what is happening.
2024 Short Film: Room Tone
• Directed by Michael Gabriele
• Written by Michael Gabriele, Danny Rhodes
• Stars Mickey O'Sullivan, Angela Aiello, LaShonda Barton
• Run Time: 8:55
• Watch it:
What Happens
The director yells "Cut!" as the action on set grinds to a halt. It's break time, and everyone goes their own ways for a quick lunch. Since there's no action, the sound guy comes in to do a "Room Tone" recording, which requires the place to be quiet for a minute.
How hard could that be? He soon finds out.
Commentary
This is perfectly filmed, well acted, nicely paced, and overall a lot of fun. As someone who has narrated audiobooks and does a podcast every week, I can empathize with this guy's problem. It's really well done.
2024 Short Film: The Limb Fairy
• Directed by Will McDaniel
• Written by Will McDaniel
• Stars Will McDaniel
• Run Time: 4:03
• Watch it:
What Happens
We open with the Limb Fairy, flying through the skies, eventually coming into the main character's bedroom as he sleeps. The weird little creature goes to work, trying hard not to wake the man. He fails in this and then has to explain himself. It's all very awkward!
Commentary
"Just a generic fairy!"
The lesson here seems to be that you should be careful what you put under your pillow; you might lose it.
This is just ridiculous, cheesy, and cheap, but it's also very funny. Give it a watch!
2024 Short Film: Shadow Friends
• Directed by Conor Neal
• Written by Conor Neal
• Stars Kira Dudas
• Run Time: 7:07
• Watch it:
What Happens
A girl listens to music in the park and then walks home at dusk. By the time she gets home, it's full dark, so she goes inside and turns on the lights. Wait-- was that someone there in the dark? She doesn't see anything with the light on.
What's going on here?
Commentary
We soon found out. This one is nicely shot with some great outdoor cinematography, although many of the indoor scenes are very dark. The special effects are amateurish but get the idea across. I would have liked more of a reason for this all to be happening, but it's still pretty entertaining.
2024 Short Film: Kalley's Last Review
• Directed by Julia Bailey Johnson
• Written by Julia Bailey Johnson
• Stars Julia Bailey Johnson
• Run Time: 9:18
• Watch it:
What Happens
Kalley does a beauty blog for a YouTube channel. She does the usual YouTubey things as she does her reviews. She's got a new chemical peel kit that she's been offered by a cool new startup. She points out a few skin flaws that she hopes the peel will fix.
She applies the peel chemical and soon feels an effect.
Commentary
Oh my. That's not how a peel is supposed to work. Ew!
It's all done in the style of a well-produced review video, but it goes a little further than most of them. Some people would do anything for their audience.
I love how we can see this getting worse and worse as the video progresses. There are some ... ah... makeup effects here, but otherwise, it's all exactly what you'd expect in an indie streamer.
It's really good!
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